Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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