Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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