Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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