Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
