How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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