instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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