i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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