sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
