i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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