Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
