woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
