thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
