My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
