then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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