Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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