Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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