Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
