I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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