she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't notice because vodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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