I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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