Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you didnt know i had herpes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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