I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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