We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
