K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
