There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
