I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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