Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
