Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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