I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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