saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
