Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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