Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
