Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
