I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
