life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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