I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
