i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
