This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
