Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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