Sponge bath it is.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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