Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
