Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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