I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
