I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
