Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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