they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
