He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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