oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
