I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
