sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
