Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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