bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
