Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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