mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
