what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
