phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
