if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
