see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can Purell be used as lube?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
