There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone threw a dead crab at me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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