so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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