careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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