Someone shit on the floor
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
