you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
