hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
