hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize