There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
