My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
