No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You are the jesus of drinking
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
