so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
