So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
